Chapter 888: Moving On From Sorrow

Actually, I understand Jiang Ruoxue's approach. If one day she were to find me lying dead in the street or stripped of my memories, that would likely be the most unbearable thing for her. She would probably spend her entire remembered life grieving over it. This triggered her own protective mechanism, so for her, it's better to endure a brief pain than a prolonged one—letting go is the best choice. Yes... I understand her...

From the perspective of "Renxing Xue," I get it... Seeking benefits and avoiding harm is just human nature... Although I can analyze the situation using the knowledge I've learned, my heart feels like it's being torn apart. For a long time afterward, I went through the days in a daze, but I couldn't cry. I don't know if it's because I'm too overwhelmed with sorrow or not sorrowful enough at all. In any case, I couldn't shed tears... I just felt like part of my soul had been drained away. That hollow, powerless sensation left me unable to cry or laugh, just numbly going through the motions of living. Even when I was isolated in the real world, I never felt anything like this.

In those days, Bai Yang's game turned out just as I expected—it quickly drew a massive number of "participants," skyrocketing to become the most active game in the area. By the seventh day, someone had already won the grand prize of sixty-six "Dao." Exchanging one "Dao" for sixty-six "Dao" was unheard of across the entire "Zhongnian Zhidi." "Jile Qianzhuang" spread from one person to ten, and ten to a hundred, with its unique gameplay and highly appealing "Qianzhuang" mechanism attracting hordes of powerful individuals, all bringing their "Dao" to join in.

Every morning when I went to see Bai Yang, I would see many people being hired by him for two "Dao" each, actively distributing the "Caiquan." If it happened to be the tenth day, I'd witness a crowd of "participants" holding paper and pens, analyzing the latest round of "Zongping" on the display screen. They analyzed the situation like seasoned experts, pointing out strategies on the screen. They even dissected the personalities of the "Shengxiao" characters and their recent moods, their words dripping with self-assurance about how shrewd they were, how keen their insights, and how thoroughly they understood the overall game.

But truly smart people wouldn't get involved in this game at all. Bai Yang, as the mastermind behind it, rarely showed his face. Every time I visited, he was in the bank's office, reading a book. I'd never seen a "Shengxiao" like him—after advancing to "Diji," he seemed even more relaxed than when he was "Renji." He sat there every day, raking in vast amounts of "Dao" and occasionally letting a few lives slip away without a care. His attitude left me feeling confused.

Although I still talked to him every day and we discussed all sorts of things, I was becoming increasingly distracted. That's when I finally realized... the sorrow in my heart was just too immense. Jiang Ruoxue's departure had wounded me deeply, but from the start, I refused to show my wounds to anyone. So I didn't tell a soul. To keep others from noticing, I didn't even dare to cry or laugh. But when I walked, I trembled; when I spoke, my voice was hoarse; and when I spaced out, I fell silent. I was truly devastated.

The only thing on my mind right now is how to "walk out of the sorrow." It's almost funny... I happen to know of an organization that can help people overcome sorrow. Even though that organization seems really strange and its leader is quite eccentric, I really want to join that "Huzhu Hui." Now I understand the mindset of those who desperately seek any cure in their distress.

But when I arrived at Di She's venue, I no longer wanted to go in. Because I immediately spotted the rope hanging at the entrance. Jiang Ruoxue's voice suddenly echoed in my memory:

"If you're feeling sad, you can just die!"

Yes... maybe death would make it better. I copied Di She's style, slowly looping the rope around my neck, then relaxed my feet, letting the rope pull me up. An overwhelming pressure instantly cut off my breath, and I felt my entire head swelling with blood. My eyeballs and tongue bulged uncontrollably, and within seconds, everything went black. All my senses faded away... I didn't even know if I was dead.

Just as I was about to lose consciousness, I suddenly felt a pair of cool hands lifting me up. Those hands untied the rope and laid me flat on the ground.

"Damn it, you little brat... what the hell are you doing?!"

The familiar voice rang in my ear, making me unsure if I was dreaming.

"You're hanging yourself right at my doorstep for no reason? How unlucky is that?! I've got clients to see today!"

After about a minute, my vision returned, and I gradually made out the person in front of me. It was a cold, anxious snake face.

Yes, only by seeing a monster with my eyes open did I know I wasn't dreaming.

"Di She...?"

"Aren't you that little brat who's passed by the 'Huzhu Hui' three times without joining?" Di She asked. "Why do you always show up and scare the life out of me?"

For some reason, after Di She set me down, my sadness reached its peak. I lay on the ground, covering my face with my arm, and tears started flowing uncontrollably.

"Oh... hey..." Di She was startled by my reaction. "Sister, let's talk this out... What's wrong with you?"

I wanted to say something, but the wave of sadness overwhelmed me, and I couldn't get a word out.

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Di She stood there, flustered, not knowing what to do. He reached out and patted me, trying to calm me down, but for some reason, the more he patted, the harder I cried. I remembered I'm not usually like this... Even if someone tried to comfort me, I'd pretend everything was fine just to put them at ease. But today, I was being overly dramatic—Di She kept consoling me, and I just kept crying.

"Ah... crap... I totally forgot about this..." Di She seemed to recall something and stopped trying to comfort me. "Little brat, give me a moment. You go ahead and cry it out for now."

Once he stepped away, I quickly calmed down. Maybe having a good cry really helps—I hadn't done that in a long time. I got up awkwardly from the ground, brushed the dirt off my white skirt, and as I looked up, Di She was watching me from nearby with a worried expression. I quickly wiped away my tears and forced a smile:

"Sorry you had to see that..."

"Feeling better now, little brat...?" Di She asked. "What on earth happened to you? How could someone try to kill themselves in a place like this where death is always looming?"

"I..." I shook my head and sighed deeply. "I... broke off with my best friend..."

"Broke off?" Di She raised his eyebrow-less forehead. "Breaking off in 'Zhongnian Zhidi'? That's quite rare."

Yes... Di She probably wouldn't understand. In this 'Zhongnian Zhidi' where no one can fully trust anyone, I had a precious friend I couldn't even find in the real world. But now, she's gone.