Chapter 380: Home and Home

He said he’s waiting for my reply.

How should I respond?

I really want to say yes. I want to come home every day to someone I love and say, "You've worked hard today."

I want us to cook a chaotic dinner together on our days off and then eat it all up while laughing and grimacing.

I want someone to listen when I’m exhausted and say, "I'm so tired," and then let me lean on their shoulder and cry quietly for a bit.

But do I deserve that kind of life?

This morning, as I was making breakfast, the buttered bread slipped from my hand. I thought it was going to dirty the carpet, but I quickly bent down and caught it.

The movement was so fluid, like something out of a wulin master’s performance.

But when I looked up, the room was completely empty.

I wish there was someone there watching, so I could smile and ask, "Wasn't that impressive?"

He would laugh and tease me, saying he'd never seen a lawyer so quick on her feet.

Then we would start the day happily, or perhaps every day after that.

I truly want to say yes to him.

But doing so would be selfish, and it wouldn't be fair to him.

As I said, I am full of flaws. My tragic childhood made me stubborn and withdrawn, and my chaotic family life keeps me in a constant state of anxiety and sadness. I can't bring all of that into a relationship.

It wouldn't be fair to my partner.

Xiao Sun is a native of Chengdu, and his parents are both involved in the arts. They are incredibly polite – I was impressed after just one meeting. His family is somewhat similar to mine; they have two children, and Xiao Sun has a younger sister.

The fact that his parents chose to have a daughter after their first son seems like something out of a fairy tale to me.

And I've met that girl – she's been pampered by her parents and brother since childhood. Her confidence shines, making her successful in everything she does.

But what about me?

I am a monster.

"I cannot agree," I said gravely, and as the words left my mouth, I felt like an invisible knife had cut me.

"Wh-why?" Xiao Sun said anxiously. "Zhang Jie, is it because I was too abrupt? If you need time to think, I can wait…"

"We're both adults, let's not play childish games. This doesn't require any thought," I shook my head. "It's just not possible. I'm sorry."

Seeing Xiao Sun’s disappointed expression, I felt that invisible knife pierce me again.

It hurt so much.

"Al-right… okay…" Xiao Sun nodded, his face filled with disappointment. "Zhang Jie, you don't need to apologize to me. I-I'm the one who should be sorry… really sorry…"

"No need," I said with a smile. "It's good to express your feelings. Xiao Sun, you are an excellent person. I'm turning you down because of my own issues, so I hope you won't be too upset."

"Mm…" Although he nodded, I could see the deep sadness in his eyes.

After attending Meng Meng’s wedding, I gave her half a month off.

Even though she wanted to come back to work, a honeymoon is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I’d rather she take paid leave than spend that precious time on the job.

A week passed quickly. Xiao Sun and I handled a commercial dispute case together, but because neither side had sufficient evidence, it didn't go to judgment, and we'll have a second trial soon.

"Xiao Sun, keep an eye on things for me the next two days," I said. "I need to go back home."

"Home?" He raised his eyebrows. "Zhang Jie, you always look so upset when you get calls from home. Is something happening there?"

"No, it's good news," I said with a smile. "My younger brother is getting married."

"Younger brother…?" Xiao Sun looked surprised. "Zhang Jie, you have a younger brother?"

"Yes."

"You're so private – I never heard you mention a brother before."

"Not mentioning it doesn't mean I don't have one," I sighed. "I haven't been home in years. This will be the last time, no matter what – I have to show up."

"The last time…?" Xiao Sun clearly didn't understand. "Why would seeing your own brother be the last time?"

"It is." I seemed a bit cheerful. "Anyway, I'll be back soon – the fastest is one day, at most two. I'll leave the firm's matters to you for these two days."

"Don't worry, Zhang Jie, I've got it covered," Xiao Sun nodded. "But… do you need me to drive you? Are you going by car?"

"No car," I said. "No need to make a big show of it. I'll just take a bus."

"Okay, then be safe, and send me a WeChat when you get there."

"No problem." I nodded and added, "If anything comes up at home, you can handle it first. Besides that commercial dispute, there shouldn't be any other cases lately."

"My home is right here in Chengdu!" Xiao Sun said with a laugh. "Don't worry, I'll hold down the fort."

Seeing Xiao Sun like that made me happy.

He hasn't distanced himself from me just because I turned him down.

As long as I can work with people I'm familiar with, I feel more grounded.

He will definitely find a better partner, but that person can't be me.

I bought a bus ticket, put on casual clothes, and set off.

I can't let the villagers know how well I'm doing in Chengdu, or they'll become a bottomless pit hovering over my life, draining every drop of blood from me.

A bus, ordinary clothes, and just the right amount of light makeup – that's all I need for this trip.

I'm just an ordinary person. I don't have extra money to help them, and I don't have the ability to find jobs in the city for anyone who's lazy. I'm me, just an ordinary person.

The bus left Chengdu and wound through the mountains for about two hours before dropping me off about ten kilometers from the village.

Then I had to take a black car, followed by a sanbengzi.

I left in the afternoon and didn't enter the village until evening.

The village was indeed preparing for the wedding, with tables set up along the roads and red paper decorations on the utility poles. The ceremony would start tomorrow.

"Lai Di?!" A middle-aged woman suddenly recognized me.

"Yes," I nodded and looked at her. "I'm back."

"Tsk…" She pursed her lips with a hint of disdain, then forced an ugly smile. "How many years has it been? Is the city that great?"

"Not really," I shook my head. "But my younger brother is getting married, and as his sister, I have to come back."

"Is that so?" She nodded with a fake smile. "Then hurry home."

I nodded to her, took a deep breath, and headed toward "home."

From the day I started high school, I haven't lived here.

I stayed in the school dorms and spent weekends and holidays working outside. This place feels strange to me.

The villagers' atmosphere only adds to my pressure. They're like the world's best informants – every word you say at home spreads through the whole village by the next day.

Especially about me.

I'm the stubborn woman who refused to pay for her brother's schooling and insisted on going to school herself.

The promiscuous woman who’s fallen for the city’s bright lights and won’t come home.

The pitiful woman in her thirties who's still unmarried and unwanted.

The stingy woman who won't contribute dowry or a house down payment for her brother's wedding.

The failed woman who's been struggling for over a decade but still hasn't returned in glory.

That's me in the villagers' eyes – I'm the village's famous joke.

My existence is the classic, never-ending topic they all love to discuss.